this is old news, but i'm so spoiled/blesssed, whatever you call it. in the end, i get what i want. almost always. and in return i want to try and be a better person. if God's going to bless me with all these amazing people and things in my life. the least i can do is be a better person/Christian. i know i don't seem religious at all, but i have really strong beliefs. i basically grew up in church. so no matter what, the morals i've learned have been instilled in my life. no matter how much i try to fight it. the past service i went to at shepherd was about living in faith. and i haven't been doing this at all. i've been so selfish. all i think and care about is myself. how am i going to benefit from this, what is this going to do for me? i really need to reevaluate my life and see where it's headed. because from what i can see, i don't like where it's going. especially in my relationship with john. he really is the best thing that's happened to me yet i try so hard to push him away. ahh ok. so my official new years resolution is to be a better person.