i miss the old you

terribly...

and of course i didn't mean it when i told you i didn't love you.

i was going through old pictures and videos of us and we honestly looked so happy. we fooled everyone who didn't know the real us.

in more than half the videos, you're always saying how much you love me...i can't believe i turned my back on love.


i don't know if it's the weather that's making me think and feel this way, but i really miss you.

hahaha

i feel so much better about myself now. :)

it's starting to pay off

so like working out, eating right, and blah blah blah is really showing results. i've lost about 25lbs since the break up and i'm absolutely loving it! the fact that my mom, my family, and the people i work with are starting to notice, it makes me feel really good about myself. not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but i look so much better now. hahaha

BEFORE

AFTER

rain rain go away!

i'm so over you already. you're really starting to remind me how lonely i am. lol and it really sucks. sometimes i come home wishing john was still there because of you! but then i start to remind myself of why we're not together anymore and the feeling goes away. then i start thinking about how being single totally sucks during the holidays. but then i realize, i don't need a man to be happy. haha yeah this post was totally pointless.

make up makes such a difference.

no make-up

make-up

can't get enough of her!

not gonna lie

i miss the days when we were just friends.

:(

it's a gross pic of us, but it's the only one i've got.

my 21st bday.

smitten like you wouldn't believe

i kinda really like

this picture of us <3.

Ughh

Brandon is going to kill me at the gym on Thursday. I'm kinda looking forward to it cause I need an intense work out. My usual workout routine is basically stay on each machine for like 5-10 mins each. I have a feeling it's not going to be anything like that haha. O well it'll totally be worth it in the end. I just want to get into shape so badly. I just want to have a positive self image and be able to wear whatever the hell I want and not feel uncomfortable or fat. Also cause no one wants to date a fatty. I don't know how John was attracted to me when I was chubbier. When I look at old pictures of my face, I get so grossed out. My face was so fat and round. Ewwww. Hahaha at least I'm trying to change that now. It feels good when people actually notice. Not eating all that yummy food I've missed out on is starting to pay off. I've already lost 10lbs. I wanna lose like another 15-20 then I'll be content. I have such a fatty body lol. I'm just afraid of losing all my boobs. I don't have much left to spare :(.