Sunday, December 26, 2010

just bcuz

a year makes a difference!

Christmas 2010 now
Christmas 2009 then


holy cow...

my prayers

are being answered left and right. i honestly feel so blessed right now. you have no idea. first i get the job that i really want/need. it's so close to my apt that i could seriously walk there. i actually do run there cause it's in the same mall as my gym. i'm so excited to start tomorrow! i should probably be sleeping already since i have a long day/week ahead of me. but i'm too excited to sleep! another prayer that was answered was that John and i are finally on good terms again. i hope this time it stays permanent and i don't say anything to mess it up :).


Christmas!

was so amazing! i loved absolutely everything about it. it honestly felt like kim was bf cause first we went to my fam party then hers. haha so much fun and food. i don't really much else to say other than i am thankful for another blessed holiday.

Rihanna- California King Bed

Just when I felt like giving up on us
You turned around and gave me one last touch
That made everything feel better
And even then my eyes got wetter
So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I dont wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been california dreamin


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

i can't date

nice guys cause they always end up hating me. haha. it's so true, but i'm kinda ok with it. i don't want to date a sorry ass push over anyway. i need a real man who can put his foot down and put me in my place! i will seriously take advantage of you if you're too nice to me. it's cruel and fucked up, but that's just how i am. i feel kinda bad cause there are a few guys out there that i'd like to date, but i know once i become their gf. i'll change completely, and for the worse. ask john and paul, they will tell you. haha they're both such nice guys and they both hate me. neither of them can even look at me. hahaha i wish i was exaggerating and making this stuff up, but i'm not. i love how both paul and MY OWN mom warned john not to date me, but he did anyway. and look how we ended up. honestly, i can laugh about it now because it's like, it is what it is. i just hope i'll eventually find a guy that can put up with my shit and i'll actually want to put before myself.



one of these days....

honestly, you have no idea

how thrilled i am to start my new job on monday! i just hope it doesn't rain cause i'm seriously so sick of it already! i'm so thankful that God gave me what i wanted. i honestly wouldn't have been able to do this if i had been in a relationship. i also wouldn't have been able to lose 25lbs. ahh life is so good. :) i love how my boss keeps saying "just because you've lost all this weight..." he always starts off his sentences like that now. hahaha. love it!

if he only knewww



tall, dark and handsome. what more could you ask for? lol

:)

feeling so much better.

i just wish this rain would stop already!

i hope tomorrow goes well.

If it's Your will Lord....

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

i miss the old you

terribly...

and of course i didn't mean it when i told you i didn't love you.

i was going through old pictures and videos of us and we honestly looked so happy. we fooled everyone who didn't know the real us.

in more than half the videos, you're always saying how much you love me...i can't believe i turned my back on love.


i don't know if it's the weather that's making me think and feel this way, but i really miss you.

hahaha

i feel so much better about myself now. :)


it's starting to pay off

so like working out, eating right, and blah blah blah is really showing results. i've lost about 25lbs since the break up and i'm absolutely loving it! the fact that my mom, my family, and the people i work with are starting to notice, it makes me feel really good about myself. not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but i look so much better now. hahaha


BEFORE

AFTER

rain rain go away!

i'm so over you already. you're really starting to remind me how lonely i am. lol and it really sucks. sometimes i come home wishing john was still there because of you! but then i start to remind myself of why we're not together anymore and the feeling goes away. then i start thinking about how being single totally sucks during the holidays. but then i realize, i don't need a man to be happy. haha yeah this post was totally pointless.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

make up makes such a difference.

no make-up

make-up

can't get enough of her!

not gonna lie

i miss the days when we were just friends.

:(

it's a gross pic of us, but it's the only one i've got.


my 21st bday.

smitten like you wouldn't believe

i kinda really like

this picture of us <3.

Ughh

Brandon is going to kill me at the gym on Thursday. I'm kinda looking forward to it cause I need an intense work out. My usual workout routine is basically stay on each machine for like 5-10 mins each. I have a feeling it's not going to be anything like that haha. O well it'll totally be worth it in the end. I just want to get into shape so badly. I just want to have a positive self image and be able to wear whatever the hell I want and not feel uncomfortable or fat. Also cause no one wants to date a fatty. I don't know how John was attracted to me when I was chubbier. When I look at old pictures of my face, I get so grossed out. My face was so fat and round. Ewwww. Hahaha at least I'm trying to change that now. It feels good when people actually notice. Not eating all that yummy food I've missed out on is starting to pay off. I've already lost 10lbs. I wanna lose like another 15-20 then I'll be content. I have such a fatty body lol. I'm just afraid of losing all my boobs. I don't have much left to spare :(.

:)

I honestly couldn't be happier :). I love that I'm having so much fun being single. I'm surrounded by such amazing amazing people. One of which I'm really growing fond of <3.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

not gonna lie

i kinda miss having someone to come home to, other than kim of course.

i miss having someone to watch tv with and spend my weekends with. being with my girls is great and all, but i just feel like something is missing...

i miss this most of all.




bored out of my mind

i really hate this class. i just want this semester to be over so i can be done with school! well for now at least. i really need to get started in looking into PCC for the speech therapy program. ughhh. 2 years isn't so bad right?! but in the mean time i just want someone to hire me alreaddddy :(. UPS is great, but i need something to occupy my time during the dayy.


FONZI!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

ok seroiusly wtf

worst friends ever. so i'm going through my old pictures and i look so freakin' fat. WHY DIDN'T ANY OF YOU TELL ME?! bleh. i'd post one, but it's too gross.


i think my face will always be chubby, but this a decent improvement. lol

no i'm not lucky, i'm blessed

love this

ok so like

i'm done with school in a matter of days practically. i'm so excited to finally be getting out of there. it only took me 5 years. hahaha i'm sure that my dad is thrilled. as of right now, i have no idea what i want to do. i'm debating on whether to go back and study speech therapy or to just find a full time job and still work at UPS. honestly, i get mild panic attacks just thinking about my life after graduation. i honestly don't know what to do. i just know i want that $$$$.

on a happier note

i can't wait to go out with my girls this weekend :)

I'm almost positive that he hates me.

And I don't blame him. I really did a number on him. Now that I look back at it, I feel so terrible with how things ended. One min we're fine. The next we absolutely hate each other. I know most of it was my doing. There really are certain things that are better off unsaid. But being the vindictive bitch that I am, I totally let him have it. He really didn't deserve this. I was his everything and I threw him out like yesterdays garbage. I really feel like I'm the worst person in the world. Even though I try to justify my actions by blaming him for his incompetance, it's still not fair. You don't treat someone you love that way, regardless of how annoying you think they are. I know I say I wasn't in love him because of the way I treated him, and that's probably true. But as friends I definitely do love and care about him. I know it doesn't make sense or matter now. But that's just the way I am. A great friend, but a horrible girlfriend. I just wanted to put that out there and get it off my chest. If you're reading this, I'm genuinely sorry for the way things turned out. I really do miss the old you :(